It’s January 2023. I’m at only my second live, in-person conference since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. And, it’s the Modern Language Association annual convention – the behemoth where I get to bump into my old pals and serendipity prevails. The convention hallways are rife with mask-covered faces that I’ve really, really missed these past 3 years. Other than the masks, the biggest change is that most everyone has moved off of Twitter, where we usually had very engaging intellectual conversations across panels that made it feel like the academic universe wasn’t so gargantuan and cold-hearted. And, this year, it’s in San Francisco – just a 45-min drive from San Jose where I’ve been stationed for the last 18 years. Giving everything I have. Volunteering for more service than I could handle. Killing myself every year to “do good.”
Despite having been in the same institution for all of my professional career, I still carry a vast curiosity for everything. I race triathlons in order to meet people from all walks of life. I attend conferences in far flung places to ensure that my scholarship isn’t myopic, white, colonial. During the pandemic, when I couldn’t travel to a triathlon to race with my endurance community and partner that travel with giving a talk at some super cool audience of colleagues (mostly self-funded), I resorted to outright traveling with a run adventure company that included cultural learning along with running through unimaginably beautiful vistas to hear bells tolling in a small town up in some far-away mountains. It was exquisite. And the first vacation that I ever took since starting into academia.
But, here I am back at the MLA and not having such a great day. That lasted all of 2 panels until I bumped into a beloved friend who I haven’t seen in a very long time. And, she immediately reminded me why I’m in this game of academia despite the overwhelmingly disappointing news that I received this morning. News that directly relates to the advancement of my career. That would have been a reward for all of my loyalty to my institution. All I’ve been thinking since receiving that news is how the University has betrayed me. That administrators don’t care.
She reminded me that they don’t.
She’s right.
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