What have I been doing since March 2020?
I’m out of structured words these days. The tinnitus in my ears is so loud. It’s just a list. That’s all I can do.
suddenly moved my classes to online only along with all 23 campuses in the Cal State System
took a summer online teaching and pedagogy Quality Assurance program — then took another one local to SJSU mentored by some fantastic colleagues
Chair, Retention, Tenure & Promotion Committee — Fall = culture shift in RTP documentation to value pedagogy explicitly by discussing actual teaching materials in the documentation, as part of the required holistic review (per our S15-8 newly implemented policy created by Academic Senate over 10years that focuses on an equitable view in teaching assignment that includes valuing community connections, department advising, innovative pedagogy, high impact practices — and for this year explicitly to note how faculty shifted in March 2020 to completely online…and then continued that through the Fall…and will be again in the Spring)
recorded lecture videos & supplemented with curated theory lecture videos from other brilliant scholars + off-the-cuff screencasts when something wasn’t going well
created new assignments using social annotation tool, Hypothes.is, embedded into Canvas and found they worked for one class but not the other
Canvas has been challenging – this from a technocrat
Interfolio has been challenging for digital dossiers — so much disappointingly NOT Web 2.0 intuitive
GA in one class brilliantly helped students to establish community + students came together to create supportive community for this very difficult course — social annotations did that; weekly peer responses that were more like intellectual conversations than copyediting; constantly in each other’s orbit for assignments; attrition rate is lower + grades are higher than ever in 16 years of teaching this course (and not because of grade inflation!)
Dealing with students snapping at me via email or Canvas comments & reminding myself to be capacious…capacious…capacious
getting accused of terrorizing students….right before I was about to teach resulting in trying not to cry during a Fall class because it’s been 16 years of this shit…and then remembering my agency and shutting that shit down in a variety of ways
major meltdown of my own in a department committee meeting (for the first time, ever) because I’d had enough of people talking over each other — also having had to constantly reveal my own hearing issues, which was embarrassing and maddening when I still had to keep insisting for order (though I wasn’t chairing this committee)
got invitation to contribute to edited collection on my primary but new-ish research project – gulped and said yes
failed to deliver a book review — twice — grateful for generous editors
made videos of feedback on assignments only to discover that screencasting isn’t available via Canvas Studio and uploading videos takes 10mins each time x45….sigh
constant emails from the upper admins to “be kind” with no real action about what the heck that means — then a later correction (because our Provost listens) about how to create a system of kindness by lowering wordcounts or abbreviating the final exam or making exams open book or other pedagogical maneuvering that could easily be implemented in non-science required courses
a few days later, getting an email from the dept with rigid policies that contradict the provost’s “be kind” — apparently, they took it as be kind only to students, but not faculty
learned some things about leadership for a diverse, multi-disciplinary college
watched every single conference get cancelled – where I could normally test out new scholarship and get feedback from important voices
lost a beloved colleague to COVID in April
helping to plan a conference because it as apparent that this organization needs to move its needle on anti-bias and anti-racist scholarship — and some long-standing, white, male membership needs to step aside to make room for more voices
requested permission to visit my office to get books — all my books are lonely
got news that grad school mentor had succumbed to long-standing illness — co-created panel for big convention in his honor — lamenting I didn’t speak to him one last time
taking the 6 hr anti-bias training for rtp matters that was overwhelmingly useful in pointing out the rhetoric that can be harmful (women are nice/hard-working + men are brilliant) in professional advancement matters – grateful for our brilliant Diversity, Equity, Inclusion Office
listening to my students via Zoom shoot the shit about Frankenstein around the time of the U.S. elections — because we just needed a break from structure and to talk about something that gave us joy
created 5-min video about #citepedagogy for cool conference — once again working with long-time collaborators that always creates intellectual depth that I could not have reached on my own
sticking my foot in my mouth trying to be an ally but really just being a white, privileged asshole — constantly a work in progress
completely re-writing article with long-time collaborator to eschew personal narrative style — for the 2nd time on request for editors
final details on 10yr open access #curateteaching #citepedagogy project in digital format that is almost done…almost but made public early when everyone flipped to online pedagogy in March
writing 1…no 2….no 3 talks…all to happen in the same last week of the Fall semester — why?! I didn’t look closely at my calendar
worrying about my student loans and the potential eradication of the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program
excitedly working on curating a digital exhibit for local bibliophiles from my 400+ collection of 19th-century British and American literary annuals
received 45 notices to take the online training for several system-wide matters, but ignored the invitation to read more & take a quiz so the system can say that I know about workplace safety
sticking my foot in my mouth again on a DH matter and getting access to important data, though my intentions were to make progress — but, I’m the sledge hammer and need to be deployed as such by those who ask me for help — that’s just the way it is, though I try to soften
discovering a new Black-owned coffee shop opened during the middle of the pandemic & riding my bike to grab a chai in support
published with long-time collaborators an edited cluster of flash essays from brilliant pedagogues who continue our march towards #citepedagogy #curateteaching
ongoing text chain with my framily and family – weekly & daily
launching an RFP and all the documentation for the 3rd year of a very successful college-wide program — but in the same week as doing 60hrs on RTP stuff, including chairing a committee — I’m great with process and infrastructure, but still working on being capacious with people management in my leadership roles
disappointingly hearing some in my sports community say “we’re diverse enough” and fail to commit to anti-racist/bias practices
listening to students describe incredibly gendered and biased pedagogical practices in Zoom classes — sigh
published an article…and, more exciting, saw one my grad students publish in the same cluster
listening to student Pecha Kucha presentations that are simply breathtaking and visually stunning – by far some of the best I’ve seen in 10 years of using Pecha Kucha for student assignments for this Fall course
writing so many rubrics in Canvas. so many
watched an incredible grad student conference mentored by dept colleague that was so exciting that I couldn’t contain my enthusiastic Zoom chat comments and secretly hoping that I could teach a grad class soon so we could all talk about this cool stuff they’ve been doing
writing so many weekly overviews for modules with goals and supporting videos and underlining or bold — so much underlining and bold text to draw attention — saying read me! read me!
learned new scheduling appointments apps in GCal and Canvas and how to create on-step scheduling, invitations in Zoom so it goes straight to GCal — and appreciating everyone else who did this, too
designed this year’s holiday card which is usually filled with photos of travel and racing with pals — this year, it’s just a wish for hugs
watched some brilliant programming and performing arts events that embrace technology — instead of lamenting the loss of in-person gatherings
visited with grad students for a couple of hours and think I convinced them that theory is cool
watched a bazillion Zoom webinars with incredible scholars who I would never have been able to see during non-zoom-boom days
wrote a peer review for a journal article — I think? I can’t remember
read anti-racist materials and got to talk to SJSU new colleagues who are leaders and inspirational and so much better at these things that we should all just shut up and listen rather than protecting the canon
writing 2 grant apps for this cool college-wide initiative — and getting one that will provide a course release to write a bigger federal grant proposal next semester — but then learning that one of the big proposals is due in early February 😦
spending 9 hours on Zoom in peak meeting week — and leading all of those gatherings, so no ducking out to let my laughing profile pic take lead
Zoom watched a student get a much-deserved scholarship — cried when she thanked me in her banquet speech
cheered for grad students taking comp exams with our new process
walked in the woods with retired mentor who I miss
started taking walking meetings to force myself outside
didn’t always remember to brush my teeth in the morning
riding in the Santa Cruz mountains up 4000ft and back down with views of the ocean in September
putting on my wetsuit and swimming x2/week in the ocean March-August, then pool swimming once the semester started
stopped working out 2 weeks ago — this is bad
spent the loneliest Thanksgiving I’ve ever had
I’m. so. tired.
I think I might have a lifetime limit on writing words. I may have reached it after Spring/Summer/Fall semester/constantworking/nobreak/alwayssomething/notimetodolaundry quadrupled workload.
What day is it?
This tinnitus is SO LOUD.
was our playground. And, we got special dispensation to
